Blop: A Boyfriend's Worst Nightmare

 

 

<div align="center"><a href="http://tobystailsblog.blogspot.com" title="Toby's Tails"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7rCTM00Caf5jYePCix-2bG-aI067Mg8xwC6mceCmXMxx9AS2MD3pZjcBCkrkY_yl-qedeXcoXVSF6pNXrza_FVe7eQDx55kU1zPlZEiKqg9my_BqqbPTBkOcuX8PnHX5WFdOtLWbPx5iv/w497-h373/2013-02-26" alt="Toby's Tails" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

Okay ladies, grab a button and a cup of coffee, link up, and mentally prepare yourselves for the unleashing unveiling of my oh-so-amazing, and yet sarcastic boyfriend, Chris. I've allowed him to guest post today so please enjoy and leave lots of comments letting him know how he did.

 

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Disclaimer: The contents of this blog post are a reflection of the sole opinion(s) of Chris and do not in any way reflect those opinions held by blog master supreme Jaime.

Hello, my name is Chris and this is my guest blog post. 

You know a blog post is going to be super legit because it starts with a disclaimer. Seriously. At this point you need to ask yourself a question, “What kind of blog post begins with a disclaimer!?!”  The answer to that question is astoundingly simple; the kind of blog post that is written by the significant other of a blogger A.K.A. as a “guest post”. 

After reviewing the contents of this blog, I now realize that unfortunately most of Jaime's followers know me best from the blog posts in which Jaime either; (a) not subtly hints that I should propose to her ASAP, or  (b) portrays me as an alcoholic who drinks to cope with this blog.

Only one of these things is true.

That being said, I would like to offer the followers of this blog the opportunity to get an unbiased glimpse into my mind, as well as the opportunity to read a post on this blog that is, for once, not about a cross eyed cat or getting engaged. Enjoy. 

        Alright truth be told, I was supposed to write this guest post more than a month ago, but for various reasons I have not been able to until now. Actually there is only one reason: Jaime. See, about a month ago Jaime and I had the following conversation:

     Jaime:  Hey Chris, when are we getting married?

     Me: Jaime you know the rule!  Every time you ask me when we are getting married, I add another month to the date I was going to propose to you. 

    Jaime: (Silence)

    Jaime: Well in that case, I think you should do a guest post on my blog. Look at all these other guys who guest posted on their significant other's blog! I'll let you write about anything you want!

     Me: I can write about ANYTHING I want?

    Jaime:  I didn't stutter, that's what I JUST said. 

    Me: I want to write a guest post about all the instances in which female bloggers were tracked down and killed by stalkers. It can be a DIY article your followers can actually use: how to not be hunted down and killed by your stalker! 

    Jaime: ....Maybe next week. I'm going to do a post about making a bulletin board from wine corks instead. 

True story. I really hope that none of Jaime's followers were killed in the last month because Jaime would rather post about wine cork bulletin boards than inform her followers about potentially lifesaving advice.

Anyways, about two days ago I finally got Jaime's permission to write a guest post  as long as I stuck to the topic  "6 things your significant other thinks about your blog." Here it goes.

1. The blog is no longer a hobby...it's a living thing. Jaime has named hers Blop the blog- apparently after Pete on The Office. Blop is now in a relationship with my girlfriend. I call her and she's too busy with Blop to talk to me. While I'm glad that Jaime has Blop in her life, there are times when I question my own sanity because even I'm starting to refer to Blop in the third person.

This is what I mentally picture Blop would look like in real life.

2. Jaime mentioned the word "Blop" 10 times in a 5 minute telephone conversation we had last night. I actually think I invented a new word by accident, because at the end of the conversation I said " Well I guess I will let you get back to blopping". As in a new verb: To blop. I still cannot decide if it was a stroke of genius or a flash of insanity...I'll let you be the judge.

3. All of your meals or time spent together will be documented with pictures...none of which will be used for anything other than Blop. I now find myself cultivating a weird daydream in which I'm finally discovered by a modelling agency solely because of all the pictures of me on Blop. 
           I need everyone's advice right now on an important personal question for me: Yes or No: Should I start charging Jaime a royalty fee for every picture she takes of me??  

Brad Pitt and I have one thing in common; we both feel like we are constantly being hunted down by the paparazzi. 

 
4. Pictures sent to you from shopping expeditions will now include the subtitle "do you think this will look good on Blop for 'What I Wore Wednesday'". And the potentially EVEN scarier thing: I now send pictures to Jaime of stuff I see with the subtitle "I think this would look good on Blop for "What I wore Wednesday." 

What?!? I liked how he matched his outfit with his shoes that day!

I still don't understand why she didn't post this one on "What I Wore Wednesdays"  either.  I mean look at his sweet turquoise Navajo Indian necklace. Can you say ACCESSORIZE!!! 

5. Now, rather than the usual open ended question "when are we getting married", it's "when are we getting engaged so I can start posting about my wedding plans?!" I still have mixed personal feelings on whether I like this change or not. It was a serious personal quandary for me for quite some time (by that I mean like 15 minutes while I was shopping with Jaime once). I once even made a venn diagram comparing all the good things Blop has done for me, with all the bad things Blop has done to me, but my diagram was inconclusive because everything was in the middle section. 

6. I have used blop so often in text messages that now my iphone autocorrects any word starting with the letters "blo" to blop. I once sent a text message to my roommate that said " Tell your girlfriend hurry up and finish blop drying her hair...she's hogging the bathroom and I need to take a shower". Now all my roommates constantly make fun of me in front of houseguests, because they think I don't know the real name for a blow dryer. I KNOW IT'S CALLED A BLOW DRYER!!!!!

Not a blop dryer.

Bonus Blopper: In honor of my virgin guest post on Blop, Jaime has reluctantly allowed me to do somewhat of a giveaway/discount. Today only, you can get ANY ad/sponsor space for 50% off! Just go here and use the code "TOBYFORHIRE".

 

 

Well that's my best shot at a guest post. I hope I didn't blop it too bad.

Chris